"Mrs Rackety, -over here -have you got any bibs today?"
This was the voice of a Mum sitting under a tree trying to catch my attention at a local school event we attended sometime last year. As she had no idea of my name, I was re-defined and re-christened as Mrs Rackety.
Instead of being Annabel, Mrs McMahon, Mum, wife,daughter, sister, friend,sweetheart,daughter -in-law, Designer, Business woman, at that moment I was Mrs Rackety.
Names define who we are and I am often struggling with how this works when you have to introduce a disability or two or three into a family's life. Suddenly the person has to acquire a new name, or perhaps a several. The names may include , disability, special needs, autism, downs syndrome, undiagnosed- you get the idea.
It is also clear from the information we receive that often there is a long complicated combination of descriptions to define a person or child with a disability. So the list of names for someone who lives with a disability can become twice as long as everyone else, the danger being that the names get confused, so instead of being a daughter, sister, cousin, friend, you become a disabled, autistic, incontinent, daughter, sister, cousin,friend. There are occasions when it is essential and helpful to use the extra names, and others when it isn't.
When I am at home, my boys are only interested in Mum, they couldn't care less about Mrs Rackety, when you live with a disability it is much more difficult for the rest of the world to separate out the person from their disability.
We ask all our customers to tell us about their disability because it helps us to understand their needs, and develop new products to help them. We have to use the extra names, but we understand that they are only one part of the person they are connected to.
We also prefer to use direct everyday language when discussing smearing or dribbling, because we are not tied to the political correctness that quite frankly on occasions has gone mad. A poo is a poo, and when you are worried about having it all around the room and how to stop the daily nightmare from re-occurring, sometimes regular language is both re-assuring and a relief.
When you land in the world of disability, either by fate or choice, you learn that it is very easy to get it wrong, to upset hurt or offend, you can do this by using the wrong language, or by getting the names and labels in the wrong order.
Name's can have so many interpretations, and just as Mum and Mrs Rackety is the same person with a clearly defined difference, somehow for a person with a disability the names are much more difficult to separate.
Let me know your thoughts on the language and labels of disability and how to "get it right" what works for you?
